I’ve been trying like crazy to finish my book because I’m So close to being done, like twenty pages or less. But I forgot my laptop in my husband’s car and he’s currently working four hours away so he isn’t home during the week, which means I have to find other things to do in my snippets of free time when the kids are sleeping or happy. Maybe I’ll start compiling the list of agents to query, or worse (ugh) work on my query letter and the other stuff that goes with it (my baby brain is currently in play and I can’t remember what they’re called). Although, I just received an email this morning that I’m almost positive says I didn’t make it in the first round of this competition. (I actually had a dream that night/morning that in the very long line I was waiting in to enter the dark cave to find out if I made it in a competition. When it was finally my turn in the cave, a mouse put its hand in mine and even before she gently shook her head I knew I hadn’t made the cut.) It’s really put a large dent in my confidence that this story is the one that’ll get my foot in the door, that it’ll be good enough.
But I think this feeling is just compounded by the fact that I’m having marital issues and issues with my mother-in-law and one of my husband’s sisters. I have a lot riding on my book getting published and making Something off of it, but I won’t get into that because, as in this post’s title, this is supposed to be about some of life’s legalities, mainly on family ones. While I understand that most laws have been put in place because of situations that have come about, that doesn’t mean they can’t be frustrating, especially when you feel like you have very valid reasons but aren’t positive they’ll hold up in court or won’t be felt the way you feel them—someone has to have empathy or been in the situation you’re in to understand and even then they have to take everyone in to consideration despite how strongly you might feel.
I’m specifically talking about whether or not other family members can see your children—this has nothing to do with a spouse because without very good reason I do think having both parents in a child’s life is very important. I do think it’s good to have a relationship with other family members, but I don’t think it’s essential and I think I’m uniquely, maybe, qualified to say this is true. Why? Because I grew up without seeing other family except on rare occasions. It was always nice when I got to see other family I wouldn’t say it benefited or took away from my life just having a distant relationship with them. Of course it’s different for everyone, but people develop close relationships with others whether they’re a family member or a friend. Legally, as a parent, you can say that you don’t want a family member to see your child (I’ve really only found articles about grandparents not other family members so I’d have to keep looking into it) but then, I’ll just say grandparent since that’s all I’ve really read about, they can go to court and file for visitation rights. Now, remembering every state is different, unless this grandparent can prove a solid relationship with your child, has been a caregiver or has been prevented from seeing your child, they basically have no case. From what I read, a court typically sides with parents when they are clearly good parents.
That said, obviously, you can’t just not want family around because of personality differences or because you just don’t like them. While there can be obvious reasons like neglect, abusive or substance abuse in the past, another is if they’re undermining you. I didn’t have issues with my husband’s family until our first child was born. Unless you’ve had someone step on your parent toes or have the sneaking, unshakable feeling they might think your child is their second chance at having a child because they screwed up with their own, it might be hard to imagine how aggravating it can be. Even more so if your partner does not acknowledge your feelings or even understand why you feel that way. The first week our son was born my mother-in-law started creating problems when the relationship with my husband was already strained. She would wait until after she left our house and raise concerns about the baby to my husband. He would take it out on me and I would have to calm him down. From that time on and continuing, every couple months there’d be some kind of issue. She complained of never being alone with him, and maybe some parents can relate and maybe not, but this creeped me out. No one else has ever expressed such a desire. When our son was almost a year or a year old and she had not been/was not being granted permission to take our son and go do something with him without (me, really) others tagging along she threatened court. Because of circumstances in her own life she insisted this was not a threat even though it felt like one to me, especially with how her text had been worded. Though this threat never came to fruition, I’ve have never again felt comfortable in her presence nor do I trust her. Fast forward several months, now one of my husband’s sisters visits every time his mom does and originally I had no issues with her. Then she put herself in the middle of a conversation between her mom and I and made it clear of her dislike of me. With words that have been between exchanged between us now and the attitude she has towards me whenever she’s visiting, there’s now strife between myself and two of my husband’s family. Their visits always have an undertone of unease. This isn’t a complete list, just some examples.
Really the point is that if you find yourself in a similar situation, try to remember to write stuff down with dates and, if possible, times and save any or all texts. Below is a link for one site that I got some information from, though I would hope that most people wouldn’t even have this issue because being a family is so much easier if you don’t have to contend with other family members. But the first step should always be a conversation if possible before trying any legal routes.
https://amazelaw.com/how-to-legally-stop-someone-from-seeing-your-child/
Mikaela Nicole 