There’re only four little rascals left, three girls and one boy. One little girl figured out how to climb the pen fence and blocking the corners doesn’t stop her. She’ll be good most of the night then at some point decides to get out so I have to put her in a crate. Of the other two females one is wild and rambunctious, and the other runs around then sits in front of me or my boyfriend and just stares up at us with her little eyes and adorable face. I’m really hoping they find a good home this week or next otherwise I’ll have to lower the price. Two indoor dogs are more than enough, I definitely don’t want four. I’ve heard people complain about dog fur before but it didn’t seem like such a hassle until I started to think about the only reason I was vacuuming every week was to keep it from getting out of hand. And our bed is on the floor so if I don’t lint roll it every night it could take at least thirty minutes to get done, which is a hassle when you just want to fall into bed. The two big dogs have also had fleas for months now. I tried the toxic chemicals and surprisingly they didn’t work so I’ve been using the natural stuff and bathing them more often but the point is that I actually don’t like having indoor dogs. I don’t like thinking about fleas infesting our house or them bringing in ticks when it gets warm or them having worms. As soon as we move out to the country the dogs will return to their outdoor lifestyle but better because hopefully have some kind of fence so they don’t have to be in a pen except for at night.
I’ve been essentially trapped for about the last month. My car finally decided that whatever issue it’d been having for a while could no longer be ignored. The week it went kaput my boyfriend’s car also stopped working. Strangely both cars had a similar issue except mine wasn’t worth the money to fix. We just haven’t found anything since. Not that I’ve made that easy since I don’t know what I want and don’t want to spend money on another car. When bought my car had roughly 150,000 miles and was a little over 6,000. We’re looking at cars for 10,000 and they have almost the same mileage and are around the same year as my other one. Doesn’t seem worth the cost. As much as I don’t want to buy a car though I need one. My family lives only ten minutes or so away but I don’t like asking them to pick me up and cart me around.
Between the dreary skies, lack of transportation, and the many weeks of morning sickness, I haven’t been in the best place mentally. I struggle because I am one of the luckiest women to find such an amazing man and to be able to stay home and not have to work. I never minded working at TJ Maxx, enjoyed it even until all the drama. But I don’t like being home in a dark house (unless it’s lit up with sunlight from huge windows any place feels dark to me, and I only like the dark at night) with not much to do except clean. It reminds me of my childhood, which I spent a good portion of cleaning since my mom worked or taking care of my younger siblings, but without the lightness of youth. There’s no playing games with my sister or spending hours in the woods with my first dog, daydreaming and such. It’s difficult to keep my brain occupied so I don’t think how my future is looking like my past with the switch of me being the mother instead of the babysitter/older sister. I talk myself into a better headspace but the issue is trying to stay there for longer than an hour or more. Being an adult takes so much more mental energy then when I was a kid. I wonder if it was just as mentally taxing before all these modern conveniences or just physically exhausting.
Mikaela Nicole 